Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
