I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if only i could text you this smell
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
