I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
