While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
