Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
