If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
