remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
