Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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