Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
