How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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