so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
