11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
