I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
