pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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