i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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