So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
