Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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