you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
