Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
