Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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