This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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