I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the day after is always just damage control
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
