The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As shirtless as possible
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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