I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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