There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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