i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
