I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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