my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
