I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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