it's too hot outside to masturbate.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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