Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
