I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You need Xanax blowdarts
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
