He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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