So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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