omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There r osticjed everywhere
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
