Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
