All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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