Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
