I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
