I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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