her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
