saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
