now i know why i became what i already was.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
