were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
