explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
