In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
