so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
