You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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