the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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