I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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