How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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