he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The adults are the big ones right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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