You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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