threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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