i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
