Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
