so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
