What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
